in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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