Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
