I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
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I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
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I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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