1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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