I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
