Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
