I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No...this little piggys going to the bar
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
