do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
