sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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