that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
