dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
