You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
