i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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