This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm too high and old for this...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
