thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
