Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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