Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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