look no pants
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize