ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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