that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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