He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
