Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
