You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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