there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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