my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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