the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize