As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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