At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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