end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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