Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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