I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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