He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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