my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
