I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
