omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
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Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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