i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
