im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize