I CAN MOONWALK!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
