plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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