I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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