Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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