you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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