I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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