My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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