my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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