I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
