so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
