good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
