I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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