just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
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I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
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no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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