True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
