just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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