She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
