Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
