I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
