what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
