I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
