Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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