Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
