Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
