i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
