Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize