we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
